Thanks: 
Alright, less temper-tantrum state of mind now :'D Now I'm just sad, lawl.
Thank you for the replies. Know that I really appreciate them. I do.
None the less, I still feel like "that ship has sailed" and that was that :'D
I've had a few brief attempts at online dating, but I don't enjoy it and it makes me uncomfortable. I can see why that would sound ironic, considering that all my two relationships I've had started out online, but the conditions under which those happened were, in fact, very different - from the onset there was never the intention to date/fall in love; the intention was just to unite over a common interest and be friends. With dating sites or apps like Tinder the intention from the get-go is to see if you could date the person, and that feels rather cold and calculating to me. Forced and unpleasant. For a difficult-to-get-to-know person like me the concept seems perfect, but once I'm participating it makes me feel like an item on sale and not like a personLike others have said here, I want to meet someone I can be friends with first and then see if it could develop into something more than that. I've met so many amazing people at Uni through these past years and if no one took interest in me then - when I was what I feel was "the best I could be" in the best possible environment - how could I hope that someone in the "real world" could possibly...
Sigh. No, you can't rush, affect or predict these things, and that makes me feel powerless. If I wanted to, say, draw better I could practise and I would improve, but with this there's nothing I can really do to change my situation. Either it'll happen or it won't, and I frankly am so scared that it won't...
Now, I know I have a tendency to be a drama queen, and maybe things will turn out okay someday. Who knows. But I have a bit of a difficult time imagining that right now
Keep calm and carry on, I guess. Thanks for putting up with me and my ranting, haha.
